Hard lesson learned

We got in the car this afternoon and pulled out of the school parking lot.  As usual, I asked Kinsey about her day.  Normally, she will tell me about the exciting things that happened, funny moments, or even about something that intrigued her.  Today, her response was different.  I could sense something was bothering her.  As her chin began to quiver and tears began to well up in her crystal blue eyes, she said, "Today, I was dishonest."

Seeing her begin to cry of course made me want to loose but I asked, "What did you do that was dishonest?"  She explained that before her spelling test today, she wrote the bonus word 'temperature' on a piece of paper.  When it was time for her to spell that word on her test, she copied it from the paper resting just inside her desk and just out of sight of the teacher.  Through the tears, she sobbed that she just wanted to get all the bonus words right.  Words that she knows are not even part of her grade but a way to challenge them for enrichment.  Still, she wanted them to be perfect.

I was shocked...for a number of reasons.  Maybe we push her too hard.  Maybe we are too demanding.  Are we getting the message across that we can't be perfect all the time and it's ok to not know things?  I know we've had this talk with her many times.  I found myself more disappointed with myself, rather than with her.  It was obvious that she was riddled with guilt and knew she had not done an honorable thing.  I explained that our family believes that we get places in life through hard work, responsibility, and honesty.  I told her that she works so very hard every single night studying her spelling words.  She works equally hard studying the bonus words that are optional.  We talked about all the things she works hard at every day and how good it feels when someone notices her hard work.  

She told me that she didn't feel very good about lying to her teacher.  I explained that it was her job to take responsibility and do the honest thing.  She cried even harder at the thought of having to face her teacher and tell her what she had done.  She spent the evening writing her teacher a letter and she has to talk to her about it tomorrow morning.

I asked Kinsey what gave her the idea to cheat like that.  She told me she saw one of her classmates write down all the bonus words and copy them.  We have talked at length about being a leader and not following other bad choices we see.  How it feels good at the moment, but the consequences are often greater than the immediate reward.  This is such a hard lesson to watch her go through.  But I know that this is one of those lessons that she must learn because honesty and hard work is something we value so much.  

This is one of those parent moments that I was so proud that she came to me and was honest with me.  But was so disappointed in the decision she made.